Most of my life I hated social settings. I just never really had the social skills and I have social anxiety.
When I was younger. My social anxiety could not handle any form of social situation. I would get told about an event a week in advance. I would try and build up my confidence. Then on the way to the event, I would start crying in the in the car because I was sh*tting myself about having to interact with other people. (But obviously we would still go).
As I got older, I stopped crying when going out but I never lost that absolute terror going to events.
I just kind of suppressed it. So, I would just follow my parents or sister around the whole event and listen what is happening. I got some benefits from that most of my life though. I got some great listening skills, and I have heard some serious teaaa. Because who cares what the awkward quiet girl hears.
In my teens I had some friends. But all I did was go to school and come back home that was it. For a brief while when I was like 16, I went out to a few parties. Even then I only spoke to my friends.
Long story short I have one friend from high school, one friend from middle school and another friend from university. (My fiancé’s sister).
But somehow some where I thought no my social skills improved
I can talk to people. I am a small talk pro.
Since work from home my social interactions are really limited. And well when I joined pole class a whole new social setting and I am alone. Then the thought popped back into my head that my social awkwardness has improved and now ill be able to chit chat.
I went to class and ooh wow. My awkwardness was their and it has not improved. So, I climbed back into my little shell. I decided to peak my one eye out to have a look. But recently I slowly but surely, I started getting more comfortable, so I have been chatting a bit more with some of the people there. It hasn’t been much talk but to me it’s been a big deal.
Moral of the story I think how my social anxiety has been improving is purely by adapting to the fact that I need to socialize and some exposure therapy. I’ve always felt so different because of my lack of social skills and awkwardness. But it’s who I am, I will probably be socially awkward for the rest of my life. But I have a little bonus now that I never had as a kid. I found my person and now I don’t have to follow someone awkwardly around I have someone who is totally fine sitting on the side and not socialize.
