Who am I is a question I, and I am sure so many others, have been asking for countless times over the years.
Here is a bit about who I am, I had a liver transplant when I was a kid. And that has been who I am and the only thing that I am for the longest time. That is not the only thing I want to be anymore. I can never change the fact of being a really sick kid and still kicking by the grace of the big man. But I want to find who I am as more than someone who just chronically manages their life with meds and occasional doctors’ appointments. I recently asked myself the question again, who am I. The answer is I don’t know but I am giving myself the space to finding out.
On my journey of finding myself. I have notice that I used to be a person that likes solitude. I never liked sharing my space with others. And after many years of being alone, loving it I always said that I don’t need a man. And then Boom I have met the love of my life. Don’t get me wrong I don’t need him (Only when I need to get things off high shelves as I might be a close relative of Frodo) but having sleep overs with my best friend every night and having someone to spend every small moment with is so indescribably great. That has taught me on my journey that I am someone who loves ‘Love’ and who loves being loved.
I am someone who is 23 and engaged
Removing all the pressure of life and peers. Loves still living with my parents. Close to my sister and her little family (Her husband and baby boy. Well, he’s a toddler now but he is still just a baby). I have the chance of spending wonderful moments with them. Even sometimes if you just know they are close I don’t get the pressure of needing to move out.
My fiancé and I will have the rest of our lives together and we only have a brief moment left together as a family before everyone starts their own chapters in life.
My fiancé and I still move between my house and his parents’ house. As I have always been a person who is on their own mission. It’s been difficult I’m not going to lie because I love my space and my home. But I have adjusted with the pros it comes with like giving me a chance to see one of my closest friends every weekend (my sister-in-law). And staying with cats while having sinus/allergy issues has been its fair share of challenges.
Full disclosure, although I love all the people in my life deeply, don’t think that there isn’t some forms of conflict along the way. But at the end of the day, you just have to come back together and, in your own way, work through the troubles. Hard conversations are usually what it takes to get the best out of relationships and to make sure that both of you are on the same page even if there is mixed emotions and sometimes even crying which usually is the case for me.
I am the type of person who cries during the end of kids movies
It’s because it gives me a strong reminder of the young girl I used to be. The girl that was looking towards her future self and sometimes the movies are just sweet, and I cry just because. I always thought that being so sensitive was a bad thing and sometimes I was told it was. Now looking back in hindsight, I see being a sensitive person helps you. It helps to feel deeper for others and for just life in general. It might give you the chance to be there for people and walk in their shoes. But if that isn’t possible you can walk besides them holding their hand.
In my life I have tried numerous hobbies and to be honest most of them have fail. But how I see it is not failing but an opportunity to learn and be better. With some things I tried, I found a big love for it like pole fitness. It’s something I was so scared to try but now it’s one of my favourite things because I took the chance and tried. Other things may not work out so great but if you don’t try it, you will never know.
Through all this rambling I ask myself the question again, Who am I?
The answer is still, I don’t know, but what I do know is…
- I am someone who gives out so much love and is open to receiving it.
- I am someone who values and loves family.
- I am patient and willing to compromise.
- I am sensitive.
- I am willing to try anything for self-improvement.
- I am learning not to be scared to fail.
- I am someone who pushes myself to have the hard conversations, even when it’s the last thing I want to do.
- I am the type of person to laugh at my own jokes because I think they are great.
I am excited for the day that all of these things line up, and all these small things are leading me to be able to answer the big question one day. Who am I…
